Dear God,
We often tell ourselves that we know our personality and exactly who we are because of our experiences with different situations. But, do we actually know ourselves because of how we reacted at that given moment? I realized that people influence how we react to different solutions so much and we think it was all us. I did not understand what my sister meant when she said "I changed". I took it so offensive. What does she mean I changed? I thought about it and realized that people in college took a huge toll on me. I used to not even bother with silly situations, drama, or petty arguments that happened every other day. I got so involved in them that I was shaking at one point. Is that really who I am? Why was I surrounding myself with these people with no substance? When every other day we were talking about the what happened the night before. What about during the day?....silence. I realized that my personality is not what makes me, it is just a part of me. What really defines me, is the characteristics people cannot see--ones that I can only get from God. Faith, love, happiness, joy, trust, humbleness, gratitude and patience are all virtues that truly define someone. I can only know myself by measuring the quality of these characteristics in my life. It is a struggle, when you forget about these qualities because of the people you surround yourself with; and i'm not saying they're bad people. I'm just saying that they do not lead the true Christian life that I wish to lead.
I now understand why so many desert monks isolate themselves from the world. I wonder what it would be like to be a hermit...to isolate myself from these negative influences. Only then would I realize who I truly am. Without a strong relationship with God, you cannot know yourself. That's just it, I have to realize that without God, I am nobody. I am nothing. When you do grow a loving relationship with God, you realize you are someone. You have a purpose. You are His child and He wants you to flourish in the best way possible. So God, help me. Don't ever leave me. Be with me always, because without You, I am nothing. Help me find who I am, because you are the only one who knows. Do not let people tell me who I am because only you know my capability. Allow me to discover it with You, Lord. Amen.
