Do I really know who I am?

Dear God,

We often tell ourselves that we know our personality and exactly who we are because of our experiences  with different situations. But, do we actually know ourselves because of how we reacted at that given moment? I realized that people influence how we react to different solutions so much and we think it was all us. I did not understand what my sister meant when she said "I changed". I took it so offensive. What does she mean I changed? I thought about it and realized that people in college took a huge toll on me. I used to not even bother with silly situations, drama, or petty arguments that happened every other day.  I got so involved in them that I was shaking at one point. Is that really who I am? Why was I surrounding myself with these people with no substance? When every other day we were talking about the what happened the night before. What about during the day?....silence. I realized that my personality is not what makes me, it is just a part of me. What really defines me, is the characteristics people cannot see--ones that I can only get from God.  Faith, love, happiness, joy, trust, humbleness, gratitude and patience are all virtues that truly define someone. I can only know myself by measuring the quality of these characteristics in my life.  It is a struggle, when you forget about these qualities because of the people you surround yourself with; and i'm not saying they're bad people.  I'm just saying that they do not lead the true Christian life that I wish to lead.

I now understand why so many desert monks isolate themselves from the world.  I wonder what it would be like to be a hermit...to isolate myself from these negative influences.  Only then would I realize who I truly am. Without a strong relationship with God, you cannot know yourself. That's just it, I have to realize that without God, I am nobody. I am nothing.  When you do grow a loving relationship with God, you realize you are someone. You have a purpose. You are His child and He wants you to flourish in the best way possible.  So God, help me. Don't ever leave me. Be with me always, because without You, I am nothing.  Help me find who I am, because you are the only one who knows. Do not let people tell me who I am because only you know my capability.  Allow me to discover it with You, Lord. Amen.

Open mindedness or hypocrisy?

Somehow people always manage to believe what they want, even if they have a set belief to live by.  I wonder whether this is healthy or just another way to make excuses for oneself to stray from the known law, which in this case is the Bible.  One cannot help but think that living directly by the Bible and applying it today's society can seem sort of naive considering the Bible was written thousands of years ago. But then other people will tell you that the Bible is timeless and was written to apply to situations that come up in our daily lives as well. So here, we have a contradiction. What do we do when we come across a situation in which we need to open our minds in accepting other people's beliefs, cultures, and actions?  I think that as Christians we must be able to accept where other people are coming from and even relate to them in any way possible because that is the only way to spread the love in showing that you care for that person, instead of just completely isolating yourself because you have different beliefs.  I do agree in that we must distance ourselves from people that show no interest in what you have to say as well.  For example, if someone wanted to drag you in whatever they were doing with no respect for what you have to say, just admit that the person should not be a part of your daily life.  In order to become a better person and continue to grow, we must choose the people we want to invest our time in. Shout out to Sandra Habib for teaching me that one! But it's true. The minute you start letting people shape who you are in a negative way, that is when you need to realize that those aren't the kind of people you should be spending your time with.

However, sometimes we think we can't spend time with anyone because no one completely understands us. Why waste the time? Why should we try to be close with someone when we know that the friendship won't go anywhere because you always have your guard up. In this case, I say put more faith into people. You are not alone in this world even if you really think you are because your values and morals are different from those around you. In fact, this makes you who you are and shapes you as a person because every individual in unique in their own way.  The sadness that you receive because you feel too individualistic or too different should be turned to happiness because at least you are figuring out who you are at a rate faster than anyone else.  I do believe that more and more people are turning away from the church because they believe they do not "fit in" and "no one understands them."In this I think you should be aware that you have an open mind instead of being a close minded psychopath who is trying to live up to a standard while shunning everyone in their way. Do not think you are an obstacle to the people around you in any way if you have different perspectives on situations.  I might even add that the people who have no opinion on things are simply taking everything in just like their robots.  Questioning your faith is not a bad thing.  You are not being a hypocrite if you have some disagreements. What is at fault here is if you do not have the effort to continue and find answers from multiple people in order to come up with your own.  Father Moussa once told me, "doubting your faith is the first step to owning it".  This means that if you are born and raised in the faith, you basically inherited it and have no choice to what you believe.  But if you keep questioning and have a difference in opinion, then you can accept your faith because you believe it to be true and not because other people said it was true.  All in all, I think open mindedness should be considered as more of a gift than a temptation or a sin because it proves that you are capable of thinking as an individual.